Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Have 15 new Hotties in the Kutztown area that are Anxious to Meet Me on AdultFriendFinder.

Today was such a great day! While checking my email, some place called Adult Friend Finder, they don't even know me, said that there are 15 hotties in my small town that are really interested in meeting me. I guess you can't blame them, not sure if it was the nasally voice or limp that hooked them in, maybe the hair.

So of course I joined up for about 20$/month and immediately hit the drug store (profos), and the hardware store. I'm going to build a trapeze.

This is the life we've all dreamed of, right? Bringing loose women up to our sacred bedrooms with their smelly bodies, bad breath and infections while being drunk (I forgot sweat - see gang of four/damaged goods). I hope I don't get too sore. I hope I don't get sores. This could be a workout! Where's the closest Planned Parenthood?

(I'm hearing bongos and tribal shit)


Maybe it could be even more special (dare I say spiritual - some like to go there as if they have a solid grasp of that unknown stuffs).

Maybe one of the fifteen is a soul mate. I mean someone I'd actually have to listen to and share my filthy bed with and make me turn off my late night (alternative media) radio programs that I so enjoy hearing. Somebody who won't allow me to stink. Somebody around to say irrational statements and get angry with me if I can't comprehend them. Someone who will limit my time with friends and get in the way of personal goals.

I mean, um, this is worth it cause it makes my body feel really nice for like two minutes (but not as good as hospital morphine in the veins) and I can share my unfulfilled dreams with someone who is as equally pathetic as me. Plus I can be fully dependent on just one person for my everything and be completely destroyed when she leaves. And she'll leave on a whim. They all just leave on a whim. (Don't try to rationalize, just eat a pill and relax-and goddamn the government for taking that right away from a dood!).

Then I'll turn into an angry disgruntled single guy who tells himself he's got it under control and writes nonsense blogs (only loving friends read) and pursues other forms of enjoyment.


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