Friday, August 24, 2012

Random Annoyances.

A list of things that are currently bugging the hell out of me. I sound like a grumpy old man. Maybe I am.

Anyone voting for either major party candidate for President. It's the same guy running, in both parties. Really. Don't kid yourself and think you're making an important meaningful decision. That's pure foolishness. Grow the f### up. Look at their f##### records on things. Same Old Scene.

2)Food Photos.
I used to really enjoy food photos from friends on occasion, in fact, I used to post pictures of my pizzas. There seems to be a lot more of this shit going on and I'm getting tired of it. It's f#ckn food, stop worshipping a god damned squash, it's really no big deal. I'd rather see tits than this stuff...put tits up there...

3)Stops on hills.
Who puts stop signs or traffic lights on hills?

4)The NFL
It's not what it used to be. As with anything that gets huge, it also grows in corruption. I hate how it's tied into patriotism and the Army. It's turned into a league of violent criminals, and right now it's trying to separate itself from all the brain trauma/depression/and even suicides of past players as it pretends to be this pure American institution. It's still by far, the best sport to watch on television, just don't push America down my throat, and don't claim to be something you're not. I've cut my viewing down to 3 hours/week, if that.

5)College Students
I've now decided college students are the lowest form of human being, and especially those from Jersey. They come into our town with this entitlement attitude making lots of noise and maybe there are good college bands in this town, but I haven't seen any. Instead of creating an interesting scene, the masses of college students in this town flock to a shitty basement bar and listen to horrible dance music, then walk home and we get to hear it. I really don't think any of their lives have value. Was that harsh?

6)My Weight
I don't care for the fact that metabolism is slowing a bit. Life was easier before.

7)My Hip
The god damned thing aches everyday. I walk like I'm 80. Somebody put me out to pasture, take me out of my misery.

***feel free to ad yours in the comment section, as long as they don't include this blog. Go to hell everyone.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Global Dainty Bones.

Below is a list of the top 10 nations that currently read this blog. If your country isn't up here, than you have catching up to do. Please don't mock me for the lack of hits, it's not like I'm Farty Girl or anything. I really want to see the UK hit the 1000's, and I'd like also to see Slovakia make a run for it. Keep reading, these hits boost my self esteem. (and no, I didn't cook the books)

United States
United Kingdom

Hip Update . Bad Bones . Avascular Necrosis

Yeah, I'm an attention whore and yeah, I write about my own "meaningless" problems, but sometimes discussing such things can also be helpful to those who have similar problems. When I first had my "serious" fracture, of the femoral head, there were lots of worries and I found myself google-ing around to find as much info as I good and personal stories from people who had similar situations. I ended up chatting with a fellow from Great Britain who fractured his hip and developed the AVN (which leads to the death of the ball of your hip joint - due to lack of blood flow). At that time, I wasn't diagnosed with AVN, but about a year later, mild signs of it did show up in an X-ray, as the doctor's assistant let me know with a painful smile on his face.

It was just starting out, very early stages, and there was barely any pain. And any pain I've had was being masked by the anti-inflammatory I'm on, Feldene, so life was pretty normal. What I could expect was an eventual degeneration of that ball in the hip, arthritis, and eventually a hip replacement. Life has been pretty normal (aside from no sports-which I miss) for awhile but for some reason, now the pain seems to be getting worse and I'm not walking as well. I've also been more conservative with dance moves on stage during live performances, which has probably led to tighter playing for me (which would be a good thing)....

It was February of last year when I found out. Today I scheduled an appointment. I will see the doctor on September 5th. Depending on what shows up on the X-ray, I could be due for a total hip replacement quite soon. I kind of want to get it out of the way. I've been asking various people that I know about their hip replacements and I will be preparing for a week of hell, with Morphine, in between, as they quite literally hack off the top end of my femur and then drive a stake down the bone. I have a masochistic side to me, so I'll try to enjoy it and convince myself I deserve the pain, as well as the oh so sweet sweet Morphine injections that will no doubt block up my biles as I start on a diet of bananas and blood thinners.

Aside from the size of the incision, I can't see this being any worse than what I went through with the hip fracture. That was 6-weeks of inactivity and watching Grease 1 and 2, along with the Golden Girls as I'd pee in a jug on the couch, relying on my always helpful old housemate to empty certain things and take care of me in my pathetic doped up helpless state.

I've heard they get you up and walking (with a walker) in like two days. That's seriously good news, but those will be up there with most excruciating steps I've ever taking. I'm almost used to taking painful steps after my legs and bones sliced and diced. I'm also not looking forward to dropping the first deuce after the procedure.

A friend I just spoke to today said that they put no restrictions on her. That would be exciting if I get the okay to do that to. If I don't die, or get seriously sick, I'm planning a return to wiffle ball afterwards in the spirit of Bo Jackson. Maybe even light basketball. It'd be amazing to do a lay up again, or take a jump shot without any pain.

Whatever happens, it's all for the best. But, the idea that the quality of my life could be improved greatly is a very appealing thing. Maybe I'll write an update on September 5th, after my appointment.

Take care of your daintyBones. Embrace the future pain!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Don Lapre

I think I was a senior in high school. I didn't go out much and hung around only one friend. I slept a lot. I'd be home late nights on the weekend watching bad TV and infomercials. I was probably depressed as I had nothing to really take pride in. By this time, I'd seen many of grade school friends (most of which were assholes) fade away and become better athletes than me, as I was still suffering with chronic bone pain issues. College was on the horizon and I had no strong passion towards anything, except maybe art related stuff, but that was discouraged in the house. I was doomed to a life of mediocrity, living pay check to pay check, most likely doing something I hated. There seemed to be no way out of this hell.

Then came Don Lapre.

An enthusiastic, probably 30-something, if not younger, entrepreneur, selling his plans for success. There were many of these guys floating around on late night 90s television. Some of them dealt with profiting from classified ads and others with real estate or auction sales. I was oblivious to all of them, but Don's energy and charisma was quite contagious. He really connected with my down and out, go nowhere, ready to die, heart. He offered something. It was a plan leading to financial independence. It all seemed so easy to the pathetic soul as I was.

We all know, when times are tough, and in your head you feel desperate, you can cling to anything that offers a positive plan. Whether it's religion, a political leader, or a slimy salesman selling bullshit business plans promising riches. Watching Don became an almost weekly occurrence. It was the same infomercial with the same testimonials and the same sales pitch that never got boring. There was an entertainment value to it too. But it was hopeful.

Don's plan revolved around placing classified ads for selling a service and/or a product, like shitty books and whatnot. He also had a plan for purchasing 900 numbers. Back then 900 numbers seemed way more popular than they are today as I can remember all the ads for adult and gambling hot lines. I think there was also a plan for buying things really cheap and selling them for a higher price. Don's popularity grew so big, that SNL did a bit on him. It was David Spade who played his part.

Let it be known, I never purchased any of his materials, though I did briefly romanticize and dream about the prospects of being successful at it. In this case, being lazy paid off for me. I took no action on any of it. I'd moved on to something else.

Eventually the law came down on him, along with the Better Business Bureau. Inside Edition or one of those tabloid news shows did a story on his legal issues years ago. The video clips of him in court were far different than that bright-eyed, hustling, passionate businessman we'd seen years prior.

I briefly wikipedia'd Lapre, before writing this blog, and found out he ended his life back in 2011, while in custody of authorities. God bless.

For more detailed background info:

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

7 Trends n Things I'm happy I never got into.

Here are a few things...or more, that I've seen and come and go, in popularity. Things I could've easily got caught up in, but didn't. I started writing something like this last year, but I didn't like where it was going, so here is another try. I'm hoping I can finish this one up and post it so all can see.

1) Tattoos -
While I do have a strong attraction to women in tattoos, I'm pretty happy I never got one. I could be wrong in my historical analysis, I seemed to start noticing them in the 90s. My forearms are really skinny anyway and it would've looked silly, and the last thing I should ever try to pull off is the tough guy look. I like my skin as it is. There is really no symbol or artwork that I'd wanna defile my most sacred body with. The body is a temple. Right?

2) Piercings -
I recently saw a couple with with huge holes in their ears and I thought it looked dumb. These were white kids and it wasn't part of their culture. I'm okay with it, and I'd probably have huge holes in my ears if I grew up in a tribe or something like that. Why would I want to mutilate my body again, circumcision was enough. (I'm okay with circumcision)

3) Acid Washed Jeans -
I was kind of prep when acid washed jeans came out. Back then I thought they looked silly. I never had any desire to purchase a pair. I don't wear any kind of jeans any more. Dickies or Cords are more comfortable to me. I think they look better to, and send a better message than blue jeans.

4) Goatees -
They seemed to be more popular in the 90s from what I remember. In the 90s my facial hair was pretty bad (not like it's great now) - I couldn't have grown one if I wanted. Some people look really good with them, and I'm sure I would too, it's just not my thing. Beards and even moustaches seem more friendly. Goatees strike me as evil. That's just me.

5) Crocs -
(no explanation needed here)

6) Pearl Jam -
I have, and always will, fVckn hate Pearl Jam.

7) Rings -
On a woman I prefer naked hands/fingers. Same would go for guys if I were into them. Rings/jewelry, even from an early age, have always seemed frivolous/unnecessary. I don't understand the point of rings. The naked hand looks way better. We weren't born with rings on our fingers. Take 'em off. Sell 'em. They're serving no purpose. Watches, on the other hand, are okay.

These are just a few things I've stayed away from. Who's to say I won't change my mind? It could happen. It's happened before. Please comment and list some things/styles that you never got into, and are/were happy about it.


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Crazy Mary

Her real name was Lois. This goes back to the early to mid 1980s. We were kids growing up in Catholic School and church. It was a different era then. As we were evolving into preppy 80s kids, watching some bad, post-Bradshaw Steeler football, selling my father's produce in the inner-city Pittsburgh, and cruisin around in the 1980 VW Diesel Rabbit, there stood one character that frightened the f### out of most of us school children. We called her Crazy Mary.

I don't have much information on crazy Mary other than, she was scary as hell, and probably my first experience/encounter with the certified nuts. I even had scary dreams about her. She had long gray hair and rotting teeth. As school children, we would attend Mass (church services to those uninitiated) a lot, and many times she would be there, in the back. She'd be praying the Rosary, or mumbling some other prayers in the most psychotic fashion. I had blocked her out for many years but for some reason, today, I am thinking about her.

The story that went around, and I'm not sure if this was ever confirmed, was that her house had burnt down, and she had witnessed her family dying. This was the point, supposedly, that pushed her to the edge. Again, I'm not sure if it's true. It's just what I was told by older siblings.

One day she approached my younger brother after a half day of school. My mom was with us. For an instance I thought she was going to kill him. Instead she mumbled a blessing to him. It was quick, and my mother moved us along, politely, not spending anymore time. I think even my mom was a bit creeped out by Lois.

If you weren't scared, then you made jokes about her. The older kids were the ones with the wisecracks, but some of my bolder friends would make jokes of her, behind her back, at least. Nobody has ever come remotely close to putting the fear of the Lord in me like Crazy Mary. Her whole vibe was off. It was as if she wasn't there, and she just struck me as someone who would be capable of anything.

Eventually, she either died (well, she must be dead now) or she went into a home, and we never heard or saw her ever again. She never occupied a huge part of our lives, in fact I probably only saw her four or five times as a kid, and this was in kindergarten. This shows you what kind of impression she made on me. I'm hoping this will bring back memories to those who knew of the wacky, scary and crazy lady, the one we called, Crazy Mary.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

F#ckn with Peeps/Offensive Shirt

I had forgotten about this situation that occurred back in 2003. My friend and brother were in town and we out to see some live music in the town. This was before I had a band. When folks from the past come to visit you tend to get energized and maybe a little crazier than usual. Add alcohol to all of this and it can get a little weird.

So we're standing at the bar and I see this kid who is a little younger than us. Kind of looks like your average hippy, or at least the vibe he was putting out. There were many cliches going on here. Fucked up saggy pants, a book in his back pocket (yeah, notice me, I can read, I'm an intellectual), and a communist shirt, with the hammer and sickle, which was bigger, as to hide the apparent weight problem. He was apparently all about sharing, except when it came to his food.

At this time I'm getting drunk and goofy as usual at the bar, but slightly bored and I feel I need to do something to get a silly story out of the night, with my western PA peeps in town. These stereotypical things and his approach was beginning to grade on me, not unlike how I grade on people sometimes at the bar. I'm not unaware of what I do.

I have no idea what inspired me to come up with this exact angle but I felt the need to create an extremely awkward situation and make this dude a part of it. I decided which role to take and walked towards him. I asked him about his shirt. I forget exactly what I said at first or what he even said but I began to change the tone.

I started to tell him, fictitiously, that Soviet symbolism was very painful for me to see. I went on about non existent relatives living in eastern Europe and how horribly they were treated by the Communist regime. I played the part well, I pretended I was speaking truth. I questioned how he could support such violence and thuggery. This was all going on as the bands were playing so there wasn't really a scene, but the awkwardness on his face was priceless. I got the necessary response. He was awkward and almost apologetic. It was really just asinine.

I walked back to my brother and friend and told them the whole thing. They weren't really impressed, though they would never have the guts to do anything of that sort. We continued the drinking and carrying on and I left the fella alone. The whole thing probably lasted just five minutes, but it was a heavy/entertaining five minutes. I guess I should be thankful the dude wasn't as violent as what his symbols represent. It could've been ugly.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

We Used to Set Pins.

You get various odd jobs when you're a kid. Yes, even I worked on occasion. Some might find that hard to believe that, but I did. I started out working on a farm (read my first of second blog), of course there were house chores, mainly washing dishes, cutting grass, I had a brief job with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette as a door to door salesman, I was an alter boy (no jokes please), and during 7th and 8th grade I was a pin setter.

The alleys were in the basement of our gymnasium. BTW, we had the best gym in the city, probably still do. Jay-Z and Kanye West rented it out when they were in Pittsburgh, my friend's kid got their autograph, but that's beside the point. The league was a church league, I believe they bowled on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Despite being a church league, many of the bowlers were very foul mouthed and rude pricks. There was about six lanes.

Me, my buddy, and my brother all set pins. My dad encouraged us to get the job cause he used to set pins. We worked with a couple kids that went to the local public high school, Ken, and I think, Ralph. Ken was kind of a creepy pale skinned kid that talked weird. Ralph was cool, he'd play soul and reggae music. Ken would debate with Ralph about certain wrestlers and we would be entertained by the discussion. This was late 80's and early 90's.

It was hard work. I was still recovering from a surgery I had about a year before. They really sliced me open good and scraped about 50% of my tibia. Behind the pins is kind of like a pit, and the pins are sort of above, on a wooden platform at the end of the lane. There's a pedal you press with your foot, that will drive up spikes. The pins had little holes on the bottom and you'd set them on spikes. If it was their first ball, you'd just clear away the pins. If it was their second, you'd reset them. You'd always set the ball in the ball return first, before you did any clearing or resetting of pins.

The work was repetitive and draining. You'd always leave sore, or with a sweat. Most of the time I just wanted to work one lane, the high school kids worked 2 lanes at a time, my buddy could do 2 at a time. That was always intimidating.

The bowlers could be obnoxious and I'm sure they made jokes about the pinsetters. I'm unclear what happened one night, I don't know what was said, but I think one of the bowlers made an ethnic slur at Ralph. There was almost a confrontation. Ralph should've beat the shit out of the bowler. The bowlers were assholes, most of them. Most of them weren't very good either.

One night I was working two lanes and was feeling a bit stressed out. Hustling back and forth between lanes, not thinking very clearly. I entered a lane as ball was coming down. I heard screams from the bowlers for me to get out. I was in the pit, behind the pins. I shielded my bad leg and took most of the pins to thigh and waist, on the my right side (the good side). I was kind of rattled. My pride was hurt. I was embarrassed.

Other than being emotionally shaken, it really didn't hurt, though I was bracing for the worst. I continued to work that night, it was no big deal.

I think we got like 9$ for 2.5/3 hours of work, we may have had to split it. That's not a lot of money, for the effort we put into it. I should try to stop down there sometime next time I'm in town during the week. I wonder if the league is still in effect.

As high school came around, I came to my senses and quit the job, realizing it wasn't worth the effort. I can't say I regret the experience. It probably saved me from watching TV or playing video games.  It also kept me in shape and allowed me to buy tennis accessories. (Tennis was also very big back then).

Set 'eem up.