"One day at a time."

This isn't a post about the series starring Valarie Bertinelli (van Halen) in the 70's.

I use this expression "one day at a time," when people ask me how I'm doing. I'm not a 12 stepper though I have great respect for that class of peoples. (I like when people say they "respect" things, there's something silly about that)

I think it started in my working professional life. Generally people ask you how you're doing with little regard for the answer. They don't want to hear that you're insecure, depressed and constantly in physical and/or emotional pain. That would be a more honest answer/approach.

I think half the people that ask that don't even listen to the answer. Those kind of people bug me and I've always avoided them. These aren't the people I associate with on the job. On the other hand (boom boom), they probably see people like me as inappropriate for sharing such honest feelings in corporate environs. They would most likely suggest I get a counselor or a girlfriend. Both seem unattainable at this point, or at least unwanted.

I've been truthful when confronted with this question only to get weird vibes back from the questioner. It's as if I've burdened them. Truthfully, I guess I've felt burdened too when people unwind about their shit to me, or I feel like I've opened a can of worms. But, even though I'm honest I still try to keep it somewhat brief and to the point, not drawn out. Please don't assume I've given them my life story when they ask me. I don't do that and I'm too self-aware to do that.

So, to make matters simple for all parties involved, when I'm walking down the hall of the Institute, I'll generally just respond to "how are you doing" by saying "one day at a time." This really takes the pressure off. If someone is clever or cares they might give a follow-up question or call me on it. This is one way I determine if someone is really listening or thinking about what I said. A little test of mine, if you will.

Please feel free to try this at your workplace and play around with various inflections and moods when you utter the response, "one day at a time."

(I'll explain "God bless" in my next blog)

That weird feeling when hate turns to sympathy.

Do you remember that kid you didn't like in school? He/she lived for putting you down in front of your friends and classmates.

You had solid grounds to hate this person. The person f###ed with you, laughed at you, and tried to fight you on a few occasions just for being you. The anger inside you built up till you no longer saw this person as a human being.

Eventually something happened. There was a big showdown, or a some sport you beat him (or her) at. Maybe everyone was watching and you came through. Maybe it was just a clever insult. Maybe you just pushed the right (or wrong) button.

Whatever happened, the tide instantly turned! Your enemy lost it and was reduced to a pathetic fool. It happened in the "Buddy Hinton/Baby Talk" episode of the Brady Bunch. Maybe your arch rival started to become incoherent or reduced to tears. You had now won the war. But the victory was NOT as grand as you thought.

Sadness now comes over you. You're now moved and touched and even sympathetic towards this asshole who made your life hell. You begin to realize this soul had a lot of serious issues and was using you or your friend to take it all out on. You now realize it's time to stop. You even feel bad for taking those natural steps of self defense (either physical defense or emotion/reputation defense). You killed the monster and you regret it.

That's a weird feeling (and I don't know I thought of it now). That's when I know it's time to stop. When we become adults, if we do, we can pick out who needs their payback and who should be left alone. Self-Control is key. Have mercy on me and all of us.

I Have 15 new Hotties in the Kutztown area that are Anxious to Meet Me on AdultFriendFinder.

Today was such a great day! While checking my email, some place called Adult Friend Finder, they don't even know me, said that there are 15 hotties in my small town that are really interested in meeting me. I guess you can't blame them, not sure if it was the nasally voice or limp that hooked them in, maybe the hair.

So of course I joined up for about 20$/month and immediately hit the drug store (profos), and the hardware store. I'm going to build a trapeze.

This is the life we've all dreamed of, right? Bringing loose women up to our sacred bedrooms with their smelly bodies, bad breath and infections while being drunk (I forgot sweat - see gang of four/damaged goods). I hope I don't get too sore. I hope I don't get sores. This could be a workout! Where's the closest Planned Parenthood?

(I'm hearing bongos and tribal shit)

or...

Maybe it could be even more special (dare I say spiritual - some like to go there as if they have a solid grasp of that unknown stuffs).

Maybe one of the fifteen is a soul mate. I mean someone I'd actually have to listen to and share my filthy bed with and make me turn off my late night (alternative media) radio programs that I so enjoy hearing. Somebody who won't allow me to stink. Somebody around to say irrational statements and get angry with me if I can't comprehend them. Someone who will limit my time with friends and get in the way of personal goals.

I mean, um, this is worth it cause it makes my body feel really nice for like two minutes (but not as good as hospital morphine in the veins) and I can share my unfulfilled dreams with someone who is as equally pathetic as me. Plus I can be fully dependent on just one person for my everything and be completely destroyed when she leaves. And she'll leave on a whim. They all just leave on a whim. (Don't try to rationalize, just eat a pill and relax-and goddamn the government for taking that right away from a dood!).

Then I'll turn into an angry disgruntled single guy who tells himself he's got it under control and writes nonsense blogs (only loving friends read) and pursues other forms of enjoyment.


Godbless.
dB.

Book Review: The Revolution: Ron Paul

Back in spring 2008 I saw Paul speak at the University of Pittsburgh. I was in town, so I decided to go. My old man went too, but we left at different times and ended up standing apart from each other. The Primaries were about over and everything, unfortunately had been decided. Towards the end of the talk, RP mentioned he was writing a book that would be out. I was a little disappointed. I was hoping he'd run third party. Instead we got a book.

I finally got around to purchasing this book about three years later, The Revolution: A Manifesto. I picked it up a few weeks ago in a major book and found myself really liking the introduction and the manner in which it was written. Quite easy to read and understand, but also put out there in a way that seems genuine and authentic.

It's broken up into about eight sections and includes a lovely reading list mainly focused on economics. Some of the sections include, Foreign Policy, Civil Liberties, Economics and Money (of course).

I got what pretty much what I expected as far his positions on these things. There were some things though, that I was pleasantly surprised by. First, Paul gets labeled as being very theoretical and even cold during the debates but his writing style, to me, came across as warm friendly teacher, very clear in his explanations. I also enjoyed some of the subtle occasional sarcasm in it.

If you have any preconceived biases against the free-market as being cold-hearted this could be a good book to read. I was left thinking, especially during the section on money and inflation, that RP has more interest in the well being of the poor and middle than those who are on the end of the spectrum. He comes across condemning Wall St. (in light of the bailout) as being anti-free market, and makes a clear argument for the housing bubble being the result of government and FED tinkering.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone of any political persuasion. It's a quick read. Took me about four days and I'm a pretty slow reader. To those who are politically apathetic, this might also be recommended and to those who have an interest in economics or the FED.

I will now start on "End the FED," by Ron Paul.

Alcohol

I had serious allergies a few weeks so I had to temporarily quite my nightly routine of going to the fire company for a few beers. Instead I would go and drink water. And sometimes that cute little bartender would give me a dirty look as if I should have some booze or get the f### out. Let it be known I'm not and never have been a heavy drinker, I don't have it in me. I do have the ability though to make a habit of a few beers a night to unwind after work though.

I'm on about week three of no booze and I must say the difference is almost night and day. My approach is much more positive and I think I'm sleeping a little better. I have managed to keep my socializing up and I'm saving money too.

I've done this numerous times throughout my life, that is, quitting alcohol for a time period. Something eventually brings me back. For now I'm going to try to limit it strictly to pre-gig warm-ups.

The Thespian Approach.

There's a group of people out there we refer to as thespians. I'm not talking about legitimate actors and actresses. It's a sort of subculture. These thespians appear in any race, color, creed, sexual orientation (or preference - if that's what you prefer). The unique thing that links them all together is they're love of needless drama and playing it up in the most peculiar yet harmless way.

I knew a kid in college, maybe two kids that were thespians. The one that comes to mind is a fellow that spoke very much Keanu Reeves and had this strong vibe. He was very guarded as most thespians are. You got the feeling that anything that came out of his mouth was boldly insincere and his sense of humor was generic and official, lacking any sort of cleverness - though it was packaged in a faux clever way. At the time I didn't pay much attention to this as I was just trying to get through my coursework. But looking back, he was quite a character.

It's important to remember that you will never truly know a thespian. You may share connecting points during a chat but that's about it. Don't try to understand him or her.

Another thespian me and a friend came across was a soundguy at a Philadelphia music venue. He was an older ratty looking dude (probably how I'll end up, if I make it), wearing all black sneakers, jeans and a T-shirt. We were discussing with him our equipment set-up and what we needed and he dramatically flailed his arms up, walked away, and mumbled something in his ratty voice. Me and my friend looked at each, knowing he was a thespian. The next minute the thespian was fine, hard at work setting sound up. But he needed to flail his arms. The inner thespian came out. He was now at peace. He expressed himself. Mini-Broadway if you will, at a run down bar on Girard Ave.

What You Need to Know About Thespians!

• They need attention.
• Some thrive at Rennasaince Fairs.
• They can be nostalgic to an unhealthy extent.
• They are harmless.
• You will never truly know a thesbian.
• They tend to be bad dressers.
• Some are into D&D, but not all D&D'ers are thespians (create a ven diagram if you're confused)

I sincerely hope this blog shed a little light on the thespian mindset/approach. Please recognize this when you come across it and act superficially polite. The key is knowledge and knowing what you're dealing with. Act wise. Play the vibe.

dB

Summer Approaches

It's warming. Allergies are on the rise. Yes. It's true. Summer is coming on.

Usually when this happens I think back to last summer and what (or who) I did. I try to make plans to make the most of the season too. I'm a big boy now with a car and money and nothing can really stop me from doing what I want (aside from some silly government regulations). I think we take this for granted when we become adults, or we fail to realize that there really are no rules for anything.

My plans for an east coast road trip are shaping up and I found a good who will ride along. Looks like New England is the destination. There will be many points along the way. Possible points of interest will be northern New Jersey, New London, CT (my place of birth), Rhode Island, and other spots. Nothing has been nailed down. God willing, gas prices will at least stay the same, but who the hell knows. Don't get me started on the declining dollar. That's another blog.

Another thing summer brings out, at least in me, is a change, or an increased interest in cooking. Last summer it was mastering the atomic habanero burrito, now it's been on to tacos. Last night I made an outstanding green sauce with canned tomatillos (don't judge). The skirt steak turned out perfect. I stood around the kitchen listening to Abba and inhaling my own food like an animal. This is what I enjoy.

The one downer for summers is the immense heat and allergies. We have bad air here in Berks county, PA, and now it clearly affects me. I was not able to enjoy my June 2nd birthday as much cause I was sick. It's finally clearing up though, and a good friend is letting me borrow her AC for the summer so I should be fine, yet.

Our band continues to create some pretty amazing stuff, and this is most responsible for my happiness and well mental state. We look forward to nailing down new tunes, and getting into the studio to record other less new tunes. We're finally mixing our recorded stuff from 2008. Yes 2008. We're quite pleased and I like my vocals on this. Usually I'm not comfortable with my vocals. It'll be nice to finally get out there.

Aside from this, I'm trying to pick up new design projects on the side, and maybe do a little drawing and painting, and also trying to turn this blog into a book. A book with pretty designs and drawings but essentially about nothing.

May your summer be filled with projects, parties and hi-jinx, and run a little game on the side as the chicks are in heat this time o' year. Bless n keep.

Where should I go?

I have time off coming up? 12 days. I'm working with a limited budget, but, as much as I love Kutztown, I need to get out for a week or so. Kutztown is on the east coast. Three hours or less from NYC, Philly, DC, and Balt'more.

I don't wanna go to the city.

It's also near the beach.

I don't want to go the beach.

NORTH/NORTHEAST
Last year at this time I did a quick jaunt to Quebec. Made it to Quebec City. That's 11 hours on the road. Gas prices what they are makes me not want to do that. Montreal and Quebec are always nice. Especially in July. Part of me still wants to do this. I ended up staying at a cool Inn on the St. Lawrence. I'm not sure how I found it. It was cheap. But kind of creepy.

Quebec City

Go to Quebec Tourisme if you want detailed info.

NORTH/NORTHWESTI have a friend in Rochester, New York. (which is northwest of Kutztown). Five or six years we made many trips to Niagara Falls, and also Toronto ("T dot"). Haven't been there in forever. Seems like yesterday.

Rochester is a sort of  a depressed area. It's flat and sits on a polluted lake. Oddly enough, it has some really outstanding salmon fly fishing. Don't eat the fish.

Ro cha cha

I also have a friend in Seattle, but in light of nuclear situation in Japan, I don't want any increased exposure to radiation. Plus I hate flying, unless it's to Europe.

Seattle was a neat town. I liked that they had sushi everywhere. It has a weird Northwestern vibe. There are some nice statist National Parks, not to far away.

Se attle

WESTPittsburgh is west. It's over a four hour drive. I will be heading there shortly after vacation. My mom's getting a knee replacement.

Picksburgh

SOUTH
I'm not interested in going anywhere south. Sorry.

EAST
I was just in Jersey two weeks ago. I'm sure it's more packed now. New England could be an option. Roughly a four hour drive from here. Nice towns. Not sure if the maple syrup is ready yet. I don't eat crabs they're unclean.

New England

These are the immediate options that came to mind as I just started to think about it. Please list suggestions if you have any. Please don't suggest I go to hell.

18 Things about 35

Some things I've gathered about myself and the world upon turning 35. Some may feel the same or differently about many of these points, enjoy:

1. What I want is most important
2. Sex/Women/dating/are of little or no importance and tend to complicate things.
3. I know more and I know what I don't know and I try to be honest about both
4. My hair is my best feature.
5. My songs are okay.
6. I can be funny.
7. I'm far more optimistic than I pretend (not to be).
8. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good.
9. The less to worry about the happier I am.
10. You can use mental quirks to your advantage.
11. Never play politics at work.
12. Authoritarianism, Imperialism and centralization of powers is always unsustainable.
13. I do have a code that I go by, but it has most to do with what makes me the most safe and comfortable.
14. The best way to get rid of mental depression is taking on a project...creative or otherwise. keeping busy.
15. Alcohol doesn't make me feel any better.
16. I'm part of a really good neighborhood/community, and that contributes greatly to my mental well being and good vibes.
17. I'm more confident.
18. There is some greater force or power doing things behind the scenes. We may never know the motives of that thing/being/etc. It might be a bad idea to try to fight against it. I don't speak of flesh and blood.

Health Care

I had a discussion with an insurance guy a few weeks ago. Based on my age and health condition I'm pretty screwed. If I ever left my job, I found out the most economic thing I could do would be to start a business, hire an employee, and get a plan for the business. This doesn't leave me a lot of hope.

One might say "life's hard," and it is, but what are the other options, why are health care costs so high?

Others might throw their hopes and dreams on the state. History shows that only makes things more expensive and quality will decline (i,e public education).

I guess it would be an interesting study to find out how much things cost, materials and labour, etc. When I was in the hospital for a week, I had screws put in my hip (I believe a relatively simple surgery), some x-rays, some drugs, and some really bad food, it came to around 30K. The surgery took less than 2 hours. Are titanium screws really that expensive?

If there are any experts around here that read this, please add your knowledge. I'm trying to learn.

Related source:
http://www.cato.org/pubs/pas/pa650.pdf

Kevorkian Dead

I remember this guy was stirring things up in late 80's or 90's with his suicide machine. I often wondered how that thing worked.

Back then I took an authoritarian approach to the issue. I was pleased he was locked up. I equated him with Satan. It wasn't hard cause he had a creepy vibe. I remember one of the arguments against him was the slippery slope approach. They said physician assisted suicide would lead to involuntary euthanasia. There were stories of that "scary" country, the Netherlands already doing that. I have yet to verify those stories. Here's a site that clears it up. I think.

As you grow older, and expose yourself to other concepts and philosophies, opinions change. If we really believe in the principle of self-ownership, than we shouldn't have a beef with the guy. I really struggle seeing anything controversial about this. As with many other issues, I have a tough time seeing how this affects others who strongly oppose it. As with many other issues, simply put, it comes down to others who use the violent arm of the state, who have absolutely no idea who you are and what you've been through, putting restrictions on a decision that has no impact on anyone else but yourself.

So, while I still think Kevorkian was a really creepy morbid dude and really wouldn't want him to set foot in my house. I don't think he or his philosophies/inventions should scare anyone. Please correct me, but I don't he went around selling death. But even if he did, it should be his right. His ideas never would've stopped anyone of us from living lives fully. Nothing stops us from us from convincing others that life is a beautiful positive thing. Let's do what we want to do, and let others do the same for themselves.

Thirty-Five

Thirty-five means your life is half over.