Monday, May 9, 2011

Feet are disgusting

Hugs are frivalous, you're being lied to, and yes, feet are disgusting.

Yesterday I had plans to get some gyros and the local record store, but both were closed. I settled on Goodwill and sushi. There's a good place near Wegman's called Lui's. Good sushi and prompt service. I was fortunate enough to be placed next an upper middle class family, most likely out for a mother's day lunch.

As I was looking down to grab my sushi I noticed the father was wearing sandals. This didn't seem to go well with my sushi and I inside I began to rant about my dislike of feet. I kept this all to my own brain, but for years I've hated the sight of feet.

They range is from ugly to disgusting. They were created, or evolved (if you will), to do a pretty serious job and practically speaking they do a swell job, but that doesn't mean I need to see them. What kind of arrogant soul feels the need to show their feet in public?

What's more annoying than seeing feet is seeing painted toenails. Who the heck goes to the trouble of such a frivolous act. Whoever has the time for that should volunteer somewhere. It doesn't even look appealing. No, I don't want to see feet on a woman, I'd prefer knee high dark socks. Forgive me if that's offensive, but, keep the feet covered.

(This being said, I have nice feet for hating feet. But, I have enough class to keep them covered.)

The truth is, feet are dirty. Fungi sometimes grows on them (not mine), but other people. I once knew a man who crashed at our house that long skinny toenails, like talons. We would call them talons and they would tap on the floor. We laughed about it but it was gross. The guy wreaked of pot and tiresome bleeding heart, yet establishment political views. Help us.

Moving back to the sushi restaurant, the dude in sandals began talking about his motorcycle and how he wanted to see the races somewhere in the poconos. His voice kind of made me want to stick a chopstick in his eye but who am I to judge about voices (or anything). I kept my thoughts to myself and remained calm, thinking about how I could turn this everyday situation into a horrible blog post.

I think I've succeeded.

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