Wednesday, January 30, 2013

In Defense of the Friendzone.

It gets a bad rap. It's often associated with dorks. Maybe that's fair, I don't know, I haven't taken a poll. What I can say, is that I spent way more time there than anywhere else and it used to mess with my already beaten down self-esteem and perceptions of manhood (I'm also a dork). Years have passed and opinions have changed. You spend most of your time in mostly one mode, you get to understand it's benefits and blessings. There are many and hopefully I will convince you of that.

One common misnomer about those in the friendzone is that they don't get laid. This simply is not true (not getting into details). I would bet their sex lives, in many cases, are far more interesting and varied than those who are considered to be boyfriends. Again, I didn't take a poll, so I don't know for sure. It would just seem to make sense.

Liberty. Something I value more than anything. For me it means complete honesty, saying and doing what I want, complete openness. Unless one is perfect, or completely boring, I've found that there are lots of things girls just don't want to know about in your past. I was never a good liar and can't live in secret, I need to put it all on the table. For most, that's too much to deal with.

Along these lines, there is a serious commitment or obligation with those in the friendzone. You need not take care of a friend as you would your lover. People are burdens, a girl can be a drag, and in some cases a financial responsibility, which means less money for yourself to spend on booze or food or other treats. That's no good.

There are no expectations that go along with it either. Like consistent showering, meeting the person's lame family (only to be judged by them), keeping a job, and most importantly, compromising on places to eat. Friends understand friends, and in all healthy cases, respect an individuals free will - and, you really don't hear about it if you opt out of the plan and do your own thing. You're just not tied down.

So, every once in a while that girl comes around, your friend, who you'd like to sleep with, but haven't, and she rambles about her relationship problems. Instead of getting annoyed or angry with her stop and think. Think that that could be you tied down to her emotional drain. It could be you that she was bitching about. But instead, something inside, either fear or wisdom, made you not want to put the move on that hot mess. This is all okay - don't beat yourself up. Be happy you didn't because in doing so, you kept your life, your freedom, and your peace of mind - and probably sanity too.

What used to leave me depressed ten years ago or so, or even empty, for not doing anything and remaining in the friendzone, I now see as a blessing. Years have passed and many of these ladies have been through just a series of depressing, draining relationships that I get to hear about every now and a good friend. Or, even worse, they've started their own families with Mr. Boyfriend material (the chump you used to envy). Think now, you or I possibly could've been tied down to that shit, or worse yet, accidentally knocked them up. Then where would we be?

Life would be a lot worse. No doubt.

Embrace the Friendzone, it's your friend, not your enemy. Keep your dignity and peace of mind.

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