Tuesday, November 15, 2011


It's clear and obvious we want what we can't have or think we can't have. Of course when we get such things (if that happens), even they tend to get old. I really wish things weren't like that. It makes me sad.

A way to remedy such situations is to simply not want anything. This goes against human nature though. Fighting human nature is worse than wanting something you can't or aren't supposed to have. For obsessives, like me, the challenge to not want and not hyper-focus on something is extremely hard. This leads to a lot of wasted energy and thinking and pacing around, not to mention heavy breathing. They make medication to help this problem but I refuse to take it.

What's worse than that is we generally desire things that are the worst for us. Why is this? I think everyone is like this. The wise souls are able to keep that in check and use their brains. Those driven by emotion fail and fall by the wayside making asses of themselves in bar room situations. They aren't bad people, they convince themselves of delusions. They aren't in reality nor do they want to be. That would be boring to them.

The above mentioned then leads to internal psychological drama. We play the dramas out in our heads. We invent scenarios based on a few words or actions spoken. The mind races. We build our whole approach on things that could go either way. We try to be rational about it but that would kill the mental chaos. That would leave us to do more productive and beneficial things for our own well being. Instead we choose to drain ourselves.

Alcohol and other substances sometime help the situation for the time being. Friends and projects have and always will be the best cure. Getting wrapped up into something, whether it's writing a shitty half assed blog or by forming a band and setting up gigs - these little things can work as helpful little obsessions that actually produce something and in a tiny way entertain the few that read or listen. Painting and drawing are good options too.

Between obsessing and apathy I'm going to go with obsessing.


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