Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Hands Off Approach as He Walks into the Bathroom.

I was in the institute's (not total quality) bathroom this morning, doing my ritual, and this summer memory came to mind. It caused some internal laughter, hope it touches you the same way. If not, suck it.

This was around '96 or '97, around the time the Bulls beat the Jazz in the NBA championships, not that the basketball stuff relates to the story about to be shared, but I just thought of it now. We took a road trip out to Colorado. This involved me, my younger bro, and my old man. It was in a silver oldsmobile. There was a lot of subtle provoking, tension from me and bro, and occasional shouts of anger from my old man. Dealing with a 2 day drive (one-way) is enough to handle but we tried to make it worse. If there are two things I excel in, it's pushing buttons and picking an argument. Those things go well with road trips as I found out. I'm quite amazed we weren't dropped off somewhere in between or just shot on the side of the road.
((This is one of millions of reasons why I will not pro-create. Sorry humanity))

On the return drive, after being on the road for probably around thirty hours (Denver to central Ohio) we pulled off at a rest stop. We were all emotionally warn out (as we always were in the family) but also physically exhausted. We needed a break and a stretch of the legs. All of us had to pee. Of course.

Younger bro walked into the rest stop, quickly and ahead of me, but not far ahead. This was a normal American highway rest stop, very concrete, with bathrooms inside. These bathrooms specified where each gender should go with clearly written signs. One of the signs said "men" and the other said "women". Naturally.

As we got inside I noticed younger bro making a b-line for the Ladies room. We were all tired as stated above and our judgements were clouded. For the record, we were straight-edge (if you're keeping track). He may have been five feet in front of me or less. I looked at the sign. I looked at his back as he was getting closer to the wide opened entrance. My mouth opened to warn him, but the dark voices that control me (to this day) said that I should let him be. Laissez-faire. I said nothing then turned around and went to the men's room.

As I was standing in front of the urinal taking my well needed piss I began laughing uncontrollably to myself. I had trouble aiming (the "s"-force). The dudes on either side of me probably thought I wasn't well. I was a hysterical warn out mess (nothing has changed). I thought, what were the other ladies in the restroom thinking when they heard him piss? It's a different sound, a stronger sound, than a woman's trickle.

Other questions:
  • Did he wash up in there next to an old lady?
  • Did he run into anyone in there?
  • Did they see how his feet were facing the toilet?
  • Did they call security?
  • When did it occur to him he was peeing in the ladies room?

I zipped up and washed up and headed to the main area in the rest stop. There stood younger bro, quite embarrassed and dejected. I, of course, kept laughing. Younger bro was already a shy kid but this really broke him. He didn't see the humor in there. An old lady walked by and he, being upset and embarrassed, told me that she was in there. He was actually trying to hide and not be noticed. This made me laugh harder. That poor woman I thought.

As far as the specific details of this incident goes - like what really happened inside - it remains unclear. Younger bro refused to disclose information. I can't remember if we told the old man. This may have relieved the tension (at least for me) for the remaining five or six hours.

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