Being Objective/Guy Talk

I ran into a co-worker today at a major bookstore during break. One of the few guys I work with that I feel I can shoot the shit with and speak my mind. We had some coffees (which I'm feeling right now) and decided to have a conversation about work related issues. It's not uncommon for single males in the workplace to have such discussions and sometimes they lead to talks about girls and who we think is attractive and like to date. This isn't a crime of any kind.

The conversation was neither loud nor obnoxious. The conversation was not disrespectful. It was quite objective and honest. The term "rack" may have come up on occasion, once or twice maybe, but it was far from the main idea of the dialogue. This is a perfectly natural approach. Guys look at certain things and at times discuss them with other guys. I'm quite sorry if any of this is hurtful to anyone. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm probably the most sensitive guy around (sensitive to my own complex feelings that is). Maybe too much for my own good.

A few booths down was a girl on her notebook computer wearing headphones. She wasn't very far away. I noticed her texting a bit, and sticking around. She didn't seem very happy or very sad. I didn't notice much emotion either way.

We continued talking, me and my co-worker bud, I believe the topic changed to office politics and the corporate environment. The girl a few booths down was packing up. She seemed to be rushing. She stood and took a few steps towards with her bags in hand and said, "excuse me, I overheard your conversation, maybe you guys would be able to pick-up a woman if you didn't see them as objects!"

She left quickly!

Me and my friend looked at each other with surprise and confusion. As she got further away I started to laugh. WTF?

Let's review:

• We weren't talking loud.
• There was no juvenile giggling or disrespect towards anyone.
• A majority of our talk had to do with interactions.
• It was a private conversation.
• It was a private conversation that had nothing to do with her.
• It was a private conversation that most folks with penises have with each other.
• It was a private conversation.

How I would've responded:

• Is it any of your fucking business?
• I probably have more female friends than you do.
• Is it any of your fucking business?
• Did you just get dumped?

I think it's this type of authoritarian attitude, in relation to any subject, that gets under my skin the most. I would never butt into anyone's private conversation (sober) and ever try to appear as a moral authority on anything. I would suspect a low self esteem or a recent rejection was probably the cause of this woman's attitude.

There are other issues at play too but I won't get into them as I don't want to stir the pot anymore than I have already today.

Good night.

As always, these are true stories.

Hands Off Approach as He Walks into the Bathroom.

I was in the institute's (not total quality) bathroom this morning, doing my ritual, and this summer memory came to mind. It caused some internal laughter, hope it touches you the same way. If not, suck it.

This was around '96 or '97, around the time the Bulls beat the Jazz in the NBA championships, not that the basketball stuff relates to the story about to be shared, but I just thought of it now. We took a road trip out to Colorado. This involved me, my younger bro, and my old man. It was in a silver oldsmobile. There was a lot of subtle provoking, tension from me and bro, and occasional shouts of anger from my old man. Dealing with a 2 day drive (one-way) is enough to handle but we tried to make it worse. If there are two things I excel in, it's pushing buttons and picking an argument. Those things go well with road trips as I found out. I'm quite amazed we weren't dropped off somewhere in between or just shot on the side of the road.

((This is one of millions of reasons why I will not pro-create. Sorry humanity))

On the return drive, after being on the road for probably around thirty hours (Denver to central Ohio) we pulled off at a rest stop. We were all emotionally warn out (as we always were in the family) but also physically exhausted. We needed a break and a stretch of the legs. All of us had to pee. Of course.

Younger bro walked into the rest stop, quickly and ahead of me, but not far ahead. This was a normal American highway rest stop, very concrete, with bathrooms inside. These bathrooms specified where each gender should go with clearly written signs. One of the signs said "men" and the other said "women". Naturally.

As we got inside I noticed younger bro making a b-line for the Ladies room. We were all tired as stated above and our judgements were clouded. For the record, we were straight-edge (if you're keeping track). He may have been five feet in front of me or less. I looked at the sign. I looked at his back as he was getting closer to the wide opened entrance. My mouth opened to warn him, but the dark voices that control me (to this day) said that I should let him be. Laissez-faire. I said nothing then turned around and went to the men's room.

As I was standing in front of the urinal taking my well needed piss I began laughing uncontrollably to myself. I had trouble aiming (the "s"-force). The dudes on either side of me probably thought I wasn't well. I was a hysterical warn out mess (nothing has changed). I thought, what were the other ladies in the restroom thinking when they heard him piss? It's a different sound, a stronger sound, than a woman's trickle.

Other questions:

• Did he wash up in there next to an old lady?
• Did he run into anyone in there?
• Did they see how his feet were facing the toilet?
• Did they call security?
• When did it occur to him he was peeing in the ladies room?

I zipped up and washed up and headed to the main area in the rest stop. There stood younger bro, quite embarrassed and dejected. I, of course, kept laughing. Younger bro was already a shy kid but this really broke him. He didn't see the humor in there. An old lady walked by and he, being upset and embarrassed, told me that she was in there. He was actually trying to hide and not be noticed. This made me laugh harder. That poor woman I thought.

As far as the specific details of this incident goes - like what really happened inside - it remains unclear. Younger bro refused to disclose information. I can't remember if we told the old man. This may have relieved the tension (at least for me) for the remaining five or six hours.

Back to Basics

Dainty Bones hasn't blogged in a while due to self inflicted drama and histrionics concerning a few issues and personal lifestyle choices. Approaches need to be re-evaluated. This will be an introspective blog. If you don't like those kind of blogs then go somewhere else. If you do like these kind of blogs then you probably have a more pathetic life than I do. To each 'is own.

When your locked into an approach as I am, judgement is sometimes clouded. DB's approach has always been about simplicity, instant gratification, self-interest (not rational),compulsion, honesty, and non violence. Some of those values are good, others can be dangerous. There has been little planning really. There has been no thought of future, health, finances, or anything. A few things recently happened that, unwillingly, messed with my head and, at least for now, and have caused me to reconsider the approach. These things, and they are just things, not people, seemed to bring out an ugly somewhat unstable side of my being I've been successfully suppressing for a while.

I've always pretended to not really care. I've really worked at being cold and sterile and pushing that vibe. Not the most mature way to go about things (most get over that in high school I think), but it seemed to work. For some time I've put up some pretty good barriers that in a way have locked me in. This has crippled me in some aspects of my life. A few months ago, I would that say that's helped me a lot, but I'm not sure anymore.

Yes, it seems even laughing things off gets old and pathetic after awhile. I mean I still laugh at my strong social weaknesses and blatant awkwardness around friends/women, but even this has become too strong to ignore. Laughing can only kill the so much of the pain, so you try other things, that, in the long run are harmful and even draining. If you will. The market eventually corrects itself, things either become more sustainable or they collapse.

So, at least mentally, I've given this more thought. The whole outlook on things. Inside I've really had a tough time seeing value in anything, but something kind of changed that (at least at this second). If there is no value in anything then there is nothing to worry about, but if there is, life gets hard, decisions need to be made, sleeping till 1pm on the weekends, eating out all the time, and "partying" all begin to be questioned.

For the few that read this, as you're wiping your tears of joy away for me, nothing has changed yet. My other large flaw is that I can really talk a good game but when it comes to backing it up, I'm just not there. Time is the test. There are a lot of things and thoughts that arise in the life of DaintyBones. Simply feeling good is hard to resist. Let's see what happens.

It's good to go back to basics.